I like to *say* I’m not one to regret things, but I’ve certainly recently uncovered some things in therapy that have me feeling like I wish I’d done things differently, and then maybe I wouldn’t be single at 38. (Or maybe I would? Who knows.) But, I can’t change the past, I can only change things going forward.
(Also there’s that whole pandemic thing making dating hard.)
fast forward x amount of years later, im able to see what she was getting at but still struggling to really *feel* it. tv and rom coms and the media and capitalism and generational stuff and blah blah blah, so much makes us feel like the realest form of love is the romantic kind
This whole thread is good, but even as alone as I feel on my couch right now, wishing I were sharing a nice dinner with a nice man…I can also hold the fact that I *do* have so much love in my life. Just not in the romantic way.
I turned 38 on Thursday (wtf is time??), and I didn’t even have just a “good for pandemic birthday.” I had a good birthday, full stop.
I don’t love the idea of outdoor dining right now—for my safety AND the workers’ safety (who would likely be impacted far more than me)—BUT I knew I could go to Shutters for a fancy breakfast at 8am on a Thursday and there not be anyone around. (And obviously I wore a mask when they were at the table.) I love a good fancy hotel breakfast, and this previously simple thing brought me immense joy. It also reminded me of when I traveled with my mom. Of course, I was missing her on my birthday, but when I woke up, the Ferris wheel on the Santa Monica Pier said Mom?! And then there was a bird on that other chair?! Carol was never very subtle.
I had a pretty low-key day of class and trainings, but then a lovely evening. First: Kayla taught a private folkmore/evermore (yes, I am obsessed with Taylor Swift now) yoga class for me. I had really hoped I might get away with not having a pandemic birthday, but it looks like none of us will get away with that. (Except maybe Leap Day birthdays??) I would have preferred to hug people, but doing Taylor Swift yoga on a screen was as good a consolation prize as I was going to get, and not a bad one.
And then my dear friend/California family/pod upstairs, Kate, had me over for dinner and had these cute balloons up when I got there.
Between that, all the messages, sweets and flowers I got, I am feeling very loved and holding on to that right now—and the fact that I’d also like some romantic love, too.